I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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