Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
