fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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