i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
