Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
