At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
