i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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