so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
