Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
