is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
