Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
