I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
