nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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