She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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