This is not my ceiling
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I stole a fireplace last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
