Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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