Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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