I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
