Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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