oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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