My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You were trust falling into bushes
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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