K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
