i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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