Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
