Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
