Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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