I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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