just come out here and I will go home with you...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My pussy is not your playground.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
