I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
