I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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