Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
