dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I want a musical about memes.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
