How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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