this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
