He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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