Jerry, you need to find god
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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