Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
