i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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