So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My vagina is officially offended.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
