remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
