your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
