forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
