I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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