I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
