i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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