is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
