Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
