Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
