I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I will be naked everywhere
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
