And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
